Funny Quotes and Sayings about Life, Love, and More
Funny Quotes and Sayings
About Life
Life is 3 days: 2 and one holiday hangover.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Laziness is the mother of all vices, and as a mother, she must be respected.
Do not steal… The government hates competition.
I will live for my parents to live for my children.
When you fall in love, you do not notice, but in love, we become idiots.
Nice legs, what time do they open?
If one day you wake up and cannot see the sun, climb the blinds, stupid!
I’m totally not useless; at least I serve as a bad example.
Intelligence chases me, but I am faster.
He who rises early, God looks at surprised.
Sexual inactivity is dangerous… it produces horns.
If you’re looking for a helping hand, look at the end of your arm.
When I’m good, I’m good. When I’m bad, I’m better.
I’m an angel, I swear. The horns are there to hold my halo.
The dreams never disappear as long as people do not abandon them.
A lie can run six times around the world before the truth has time to put on pants.
Planting a flower is believing in tomorrow.
An expert is someone who says something simple in a confusing way so that it makes you think that the confusion is not your fault.
The tax will snuff out alcohol for social welfare and public health. If you want to collaborate, why not have a drink?
The mood is there to remind us that no matter how high the throne on which one sits, everyone uses their behind to sit.
All you need to rein in God from sending another great flood is knowing that the former had not the slightest result.
I plan to live forever. So far, so good.
After all, maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
The clearest evidence that there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
You can’t have everything… Where would you keep it?
What I regret in life is not being someone else.
Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
A bore is someone who, when you ask how they are, will actually answer.
The school is burning all around you!
If life doesn’t give you smiles… tickle it!
Two words will open many doors: “Pull” and “Push”.
About Love
Chico busca chica invisible, transparent to the unseen.
Blessed Virgin, Pure Virgin, I have adopted this course, and through San Blas, have adopted others.
Money does not buy happiness, but I prefer to mourn in a Ferrari and wipe my tears with a silk scarf.
I would be you to enjoy someone like me.
If your boyfriend gives you a kiss, do not let him maneuver; better a slap in time than a maternity dress.
I see you, I kiss you, but since you do not want to, I’m not going anywhere.
I have two roads, the outward and the back. I want to be between them; open the door for me.
I’d rather see you and have no life to live than live and not be able to see you.
If you see stars when you look at me, do not rush to the optometrist; it’s because you’re the most beautiful in the universe.
It’s not that you are the most beautiful in the world; you are my world.
How should you love me if I want you to love me, not how I want to love me?
Guys are like farts—they come when you least expect them.
Great distraction the gods in the sky must have had to allow an angel like you to be walking among mortals.
The biggest frustration is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks the question.
I can resist everything except temptation.
If one day you wake up wanting to study, take an aspirin and go back to bed.
If studying paid off, consider the trees.
The student’s slogan: taking the course ahead, with the sweat of the front.
We winked and thought it was conquest. No, friend, it was an eye problem.
If love is blind, why is sexy lingerie so successful?
I wish you a present, but not as wrapping a kiss, so you have to put up with this, and not with that.
I dreamed that you loved me, I dreamed that you loved me, and I fell out of bed for dreaming nonsense.
Tell me who your friends are… and if you’ll introduce me.
If you want me, you want me, you want me more, I love you more than I want you, what more do you want? Want more?
Men are like dogs; they return again and again. Women are like cats; scold them once, and they leave.
If you ever navigate through the wide sea of life, remember that you have a port in the heart of your friend.
If being sexy was a crime, I would spend life in prison.
You can turn your life around if you’re depressed and sad; time can be sad and depressed.
If you’re on the sidewalk and someone throws you a compliment, call an ambulance; that guy is crazy.
Until I was freed from my older brothers and started school, I thought my name was “Shut up.”
I love you because I feel like it, and if you believe it, come with me to bed.
Wanted: girl with the curse. Signed, Count Dracula.
If the phone rings, it’s me.
I intend to live forever. So far, it’s all right.
If love is the answer, would you repeat the question?
For you, I’d dance the samba on the whiskers of a shrimp.
In this glorious place, so many people pass by that it makes the most fearful strong and makes the bravest poop their pants.
If the guys can’t say “I love you,” just know that they wait in bed.
If a blonde asks for a kiss and a brunette for your heart, do not despise the brunette for a blonde’s kiss, but if the brunette is good and the blonde is like me, do not be stupid and stay with both.