Interpersonal Transactions and Psychological Games
Interpersonal Transactions
Transactions that people use and interpersonal transactions occur between one or more states of the ego of one person and one or more states of the self by another person.
Types of Transactions
- Complementary Transaction: Occurs when the message sent by a state of self receives the expected response of a specific ego state in the other person. The tone of voice can change a response.
- Cross Transactions: A frequent source of resentment among people. When two people stare defiantly or turn their backs, they feel reluctant to continue the transaction or are stumped. These occur when the response to the stimulus is unexpected.
- Subsequent Transactions: Involve a hidden track, a double message, in both the sender and the receiver.
Emotional Currency
- Positive Pats: Associated with emotionally healthy people and the feeling of being right.
- Coupons: Represent good or bad feelings that people collect. They can be:
- Golden (Well, good)
- Red (Anger)
- Gray (Bad)
- Blue (Hurt feelings, depression)
- White (Purity and righteousness)
- Green (Envy and jealousy)
Games People Play
Basic elements of a game:
- A series of additional transactions that seem acceptable on the surface.
- A subsequent transaction that is the hidden track.
- A negative reward; the game ends, and the real purpose is revealed.
Common Games
- The “If But” Game: Someone poses an issue under the pretext of asking for advice. If the person is advised with “Why not?”, anyone who dismisses any suggestion starts with “if, but…” followed by reasons not to. Finally, those offering suggestions give up, feeling defeated.
- The “Give Me a Kick” Game: The player does something that causes the other player to give them a discount. The person accustomed to playing “Give Me a Kick” seeks out others who can play the complementary role and are willing to deliver the “kick.”
- The “Harried (Overwhelmed)” Game: Played to justify a final collapse or depression. An executive who plays “Harried” says yes to everything, arrives early, stays late, works weekends, and so on.
- “Look What You Made Me Do”: Sometimes practiced to collect anger stamps. It involves blaming someone else for a mistake, knowing it was one’s own.
- The “Lunchbox” Game: Uses the position of righteousness to manipulate and control others. It refers to leftovers of all kinds, such as a mother who eats the leftovers from her children.
- The “Stupid” Game: Involves complaining about one’s own mistakes to collect gray or brown coupons.
- “Corner”: “I always do this wrong.”
- “Default”: Saying something is very good, except for one flaw.
- “I’m Just Trying to Help”: “My advice is so good, why do you want to decide for yourself and reject my ideas if I am only trying to help?”
- “Pata Palo” (Wooden Leg): Talking about your default to the people.
- “See How Hard I’ve Tried”: “Don’t blame me if things go well or badly; after all, look how hard I’ve tried.”
- “Uproar”: “I am stronger than you. You’re a fool; you never do anything right.”
- “I Caught You Now, S.O.B.”: “I caught you making a mistake; now you will suffer.”
How to Stop the Games
Games can be stopped if one refuses to participate or give the reward.
Ways to Stop the Game:
- Giving an unexpected response.
- Stopping the exaggeration of one’s own flaws or merits.
- Refraining from exaggerating the flaws or merits of others.
- Giving and receiving positive strokes (golden coupons) rather than negative ones (gray coupons).
- Guiding the structuring of one’s time towards activities, privacy, entertainment, and so on.
- Stopping the role of the savior, who helps those who do not need it.
- Stopping the role of the victim, who is helplessly dependent on others while capable of helping themselves.
- Stopping the role of the persecutor, who criticizes those who do not deserve it.